Trigon the Terrible at Everything
by dylanbiancamano
Summary: Even the denizens of Hell are tired of Trigon's shenanigans. That's why when the end comes for the great red demon, they will be ready with the popcorn. (my first real published work, I know it's not vary good, but thanks for reading anyway)


AN: there is a lot of me in this story. But then theres a lot of a person in their headcanons too, i just hope there isn't so much that it is off putting to people. Either way, enjoy, and Happy FanFiction Month.

* * *

In the deepest, darkest pit of the deepest, darkest ring of Hell, it is normal to hear all manner of _interesting _noises.

The most common of course would be the screams of the damned being subjected to the worst that their minds can imagine*1. But second to the screaming is the popping. A sort of wet popping in fact, one you might hear when, say, someones arms is being bent slightly too far beyond the shoulder, or someone elses head is being introduced to a hard, jagged surface at very high speeds. Or perhaps it could be, what the fiends down in research and development like to call, _The Bike Pump_. Whatever the popping, you can guarantee it will be followed by the afore mentioned screams.

But today there was a very different kind of popping going on in the depths of perdition. It was more irregular, sporadic, and slightly metallic. It went _Pop poppop poppoppop pop_*2

It was a popcorn tin being held at arms length by a rather annoyed looking demon, just over a fire vent. The demon in question was small and looked as though someone wanted to put the head of a lizard on the body of a shaved rat. It impatiently stared at the popcorn tin, it's eyes radiating beams of putapon rage. It was the look of a low level worker who was put on yet another ludacris task by a ridiculous boss, but like all who wanted to survive*3_, _it would very well go and do it and smile all the way. It was a very well worn look.

"Come on already." It said to the popcorn.

What the most annoying things about this was as a demon, you actually had to cook food the proper - the _human_ way.

You couldn't use magic to cook food. The demon didn't know why exactly, come to that it didn't know how to count beyond how many fingers and toes it had. It only knew that magic made the food taste awful for some reason. Magic would turn cookies into things with twice as many eyes then legs, it would make salad crave flesh, it could turn perfectly good flapjacks into horrifying discs of pustulence, and would always, _always_ burn the biscuits.

All the demon knew was, you could put all manner of magical ingredient in a food, but when it comes to cooking, you gotta use real fire and heat, like Go- er, like _that guy_ intended.

The little demon craned it's neck over to the sound of merriment and laughter, a sound almost never heard this far down in Hell. It made it's grimace girimer.

Oh sure, it thought, all the bigwigs get to have all the fun while I'm here getting the snacks. Terrific.

Still, the demon couldn't complain,*4. Today was a glorious day, and it'd never use the word. Today was the day when Trigon got put in his place.

* * *

The scene, in any other circumstance was one of pure horror.

The Black Throne, forged from the condensed sorrows and despair of all life in the universe, on which sat the absolute supreme ruler of all demons, monsters, fiends, and wicked things. The First to Fall, The Morning Star, The- well the being with at least 900 other titles and we don't have all day.

It looked out upon It's*5 courtroom, and sighed.

"Beelzebub, what have I told you about using coasters on the steps of the throne?" The Devil said.

A demon, that was comprised of a swarm of small demonic bugs, looked up, or rather turned it's full attention to The Devil from where it was seated on the enormous stoop that led to the throne proper.

"Szzzzorry." said the swarm.

"Oh yes do," said The Devourer of Joy, "Just spill hawaiian punch all over the steps, why don't you."

Beelzebub look bashfully at the stain on the steps. That is, as bashful as a swarm of bugs could look.

This is what happens, The Lord of Evil thought, you invite all your fiends over for a party, and the spill drinks all down your furniture.

In fact all of the big demons had showed up for this little shindig of It's. There were The Six, The Devils highest ranking figures in Hell:

Beelzebub; devouring all the snacks per usual.

Asmodeus; Trying to inspire lust in anything that breathes, this time it was two houseplants.

Leviathan; in the corner, sulking and getting jealous about the house plant.

Aemon; who passed the time by screaming commands at the tv screen.

And Belphegor; who was asleep, so by default, the most well behaved.

Apart from It's _eliet_*6 counsel of six, there were the old familiars, The First Seated, Blaze and Satanus had popped in from purgatory to join the party. The Archfiends, of course, Some of the more senior damned.

All the real movers and shakers from all over Hell and Affiliate Dimensions™, all had shown up for one important reason, and it wasn't just to fill up on crackers and punch. They had all come to watch Trigon the Terrible get his big red ass kicked.

Well they hoped at least, as much hope as demons could manage, but hope none the less. The humans plan was sound, Raven could beat her 'father' The Devil knew this. All that needed to happen was for everything to go absolutely perfectly and Trigon would be as good as gone. The Master of Darkness could let all the juice stains in the world go just for that.

Yes Trigon the Terrible at Everything would finally get a well deserved slapping, and by a little girl no less.

Oh yes, The Devil thought as It watched the events all unfold on the screen, rubbing Its hands together, that would be a huge blow for Trigon's ego.

The Lord of All Evil had never understood mortal fascination with dividing the sexes. The way They saw it, both males and females were equally capable of great evil, and just as capable of signing their soul away for whatever it is mortals want these days. So, why discriminate.

Trigon however had a very low view of the females of any species. To Trigon, a woman was a tool to be used for interdimensional portals or to make interdimensional portals. This bothered The Devil.

Mostly because demons had no gender except the one the decided on, and no actual sex at all. So the idea that Trigon looked down on one or the other seemed unnecessary and stupid.

And it bothered the other lords and ladies of Hell how much Trigon used procreation in his plans for interdimensional travel. Demons usually reserved that level of creeped out for human beings. He didn't just make a portal to another world, which was something any demon, even the lowly imp that was bringing Beelzebub a tin of popcorn at that moment, could make a portal to Earth and back from anywhere in the multiverse.

Trigon would go through the trouble of finding an unsuspecting girl and- well. The Devil didn't abide by kind of stuff. That was the kind of thing that damaged souls. Damaged souls were no good. This is also why It had made a vary spasific pit in Hell where It could personally torter those mortals that _damaged souls._

At any rate, in The Devil's opinion, sex was a thing that happened to other people and there was no place for it in running Hell. It viewed it like It'd view another planet; things might be happening there, and they might be exciting things to the people there, but they have nothing to do with Me.

All The Devil cared about was numbers and souls.

Not Trigon, that was the final thing, Trigon didn't care about anything it seemed. He just like flaunting his ego around the multiverse. Trigon liked taking down dimensions for sport, he was a big game hunter. The Devil could admire ruthlessness and a preditors instinged, but a wolf hunted to eat, what Trigon did, that was just killing. He actually went around destroying souls. DESTROYING SOULS! To a demon, this was the equivalent of someone going around and blowing up a grain silo, a bank vault, and a nuclear power plant all wrapped into one. It was madness.

But the final straw though was Trigon ending all life on the planet Earth.

Despite everyone rejecting his proposal to do so, baring his passage into the dimension, and just outright telling him not to, the daft idiot actually went through with it. He wet behind everyone's backs, sired a portal and broke in.

Trigon actually went through and ended all life on Earth. When The Devil had heard this, It had to sit down and process it for a second.

An entire planet. 7 billion people. Poof.

The Great Sower of Lies only started to really get angry when the figures came in an hour later. The instant influx of souls completely shut down all the collection services, they were backed up until next week at last estimates, and that would only double by then. There was a queue outside of Hades, a damned queue.

Humans that had been undergoing the damnation process suddenly died without sin and automatically got to go to Hea- er, the _other place_. That was a negative 40% drop in estimated earnings.

The demonic firms that had had investments in Earth suddenly found themselves broke. Long term goals and plans gone to waste, whole human lineages, demons had painstakingly plotted out for maximum damnation suddenly disappeared overnight. In a day all the human race futures had become fire lighters.

For the first time since the last time Trigon had destroyed an entire universe, there was chaos in Hell.

But this was different. Trigon had only ever targeted pocket dimensions. Small worlds floating on rocks in space with maybe a population of a few 100,000, a couple million on the outside. This was different, this was Earth.

A major focal point in this universe. Magic took root on Earth an flourished. Mortals from other planets came to Earth to start new lives, start families. There were more villeins who had lived on Earth then in the entire history of the Milky Way Galaxy. People didn't just live on Earth, Earth was where people went to live.

And now it was a pile of ash.

This wouldn't stand. The Devil wouldn't let it. This demanded _Actions_, and when It ment _Actions_, It made sure to pronounce the capital letter and italics.

An as luck would have it, they were, but not by It.

"Wow," said Beelzebub, spitting popcorn from it's many mouths, "Look at thizzzs kid go."

The collective of demons all watched the screen. On it was a young human in a bright yellow and green suit carry a small child on his back. The Devil tried hard not to vomit at the assault of color the boy was wearing. And they called It evil.

The Devil looked down at a series of files on It's lap. There were five of them. Fascinating invention files. As soon as It had heard of them, The Darkest Being knew It had to have them.

The Devil flipped one open. On the outside, the file looked like a pitch black manilla folder, so thin that it looked empty. Because of this, it might bother the outside observer that when the folder opened, hundreds of pages flipped out and arranged themselves in neat stacks. The Devil had one of these for every person on Earth. It like organization.

The top page in the file read 'Grayson, Richard J. Aged 16, Human'. The Devil remembered a bit ago when It'd seen the boy perform a flip that cleared perhaps 16 feet in distance. It produced a pen from out of thin air and made a note 'Human?'.

Then It spared a look at the other screens.

The screens in question were, well, to be technical they were a metaphysical link to a select chosen few which allowed the user to see them and their actions from a third person view where every they may be in space and time, but it's just be easier to call them magic tvs.

On the others were the other three beings, the green one, the orange one, and the metal one.

The Devil watched. The Devil read their files.

Superheroes. What a novel concept. Keepers of the piece, fighters of injustice, maintainers of _order_. The Devil smiled, It's smiles could drop the temperature of anyroom several degrees.

"What's happening now?" said The Devil, not looking up from It's reading.

"Raven's about to get dead!" said Aemon, a being with no inside voice.

The Devil put down It's files, "What!?"

Indeed Raven, currently reduced to the form of a young human child, was feverishly shaking the fallen Grayson boy. She looked to be on the verge of tears. She was a child and she was alone, and that was when Trigon chose to end it. He said something dramatic and then- This was not how it was supposed to go, The Devil thought

The demons quieted down now. They all knew what was at stake, Trigon wouldn't just stop here, there were other worlds, but it was more than that. If Raven couldn't stop him here and now, well, It could end Trigon, but no demon could fix what he had done to the world. The Devil knew only Raven could reverse what was done.

The Devil moved to the edge of It's throne.

"Come now, child. Are you going to let that pompous twit beat you?" It said.

And as though Raven was listening, the light of a force field shown through the debris kicked up by Trigon's death ray.

"Fuck Yeah!" said Aemon

The little Raven stared at her hand in abject terror of her own ability.

Trigon decided to use this moment to monolouge.

"You may have retained some trace of my power, but you are still no threat to _me, _little girl," Lilith, Queen of the Succubi, chose then to boo.

"I am your creator, your master, you exist only to serve me. You survive only because I allow it. What hope could a mere child have, of defeating her all powerful Father!"

"Oh, will you SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING HAM!" said Belphegor, who seemed to only wake up to deliver that one line.

And once again, Raven was listening, or perhaps she simply had the same idea.

Light poured off of Raven, it was a light that cause some of the weaker demons to avert their gaze. The Devil didn't though, It had seen the light before many times. It was holy light, the light of Go- er, _that guy_.

It surged around Raven and cause her self-proclaimed all powerful father to cower.

The Devil grinded, it was not something you'd like to see. People forgot something important about demons, something The Devil would never forget. All demons, even Trigon, were angels once, and that power was still somewhere inside of him, and there fore somewhere inside of his offspring.

When the fool had converted Raven into a demonic portal, he had used all the darkness inside of her to do it. That left only the light, small though it was, it was enough. And it had time to grow.

The orb of holy light exploded and there stood Raven, the proper Raven. She stared pure defiance at her 'father'. The Devil's grin widened, any further and the top of it's head might fall off. Trigon had sharpened his own instrument of destruction.

Aemon punched the air. "Attagirl, shoot em in the groin!"

Raven attacked. A beam of purifying light straight into the heart of Trigon. Some of the demons winced at this, knowing that that much holy magic would really hurt. They continued to cheer Raven on none the less.

Trigon, like most cowards, shank at the light. Despite all his talk of power, he couldn't take a single hit of the stuff. Every counterattack he attempted was backhanded by his 'weak human daughter'. Every energy blast was punctuated by Raven's anger.

"Fathers are kind!" another shot to the chest.

"Fathers protect You!" Trigon staggered further back.

"fathers RAISE YOU!" This shot stunned Trigon. He writhed where he stood. The the courtroom, the demons whistled and cheered Raven on. The Devil was silent, It was too enthralled to say anything.

"I WAS PROTECTED BY THE MONKS OF AZARATH," holy energy began to crackle over Raven's body.

"I WAS RAISED BY MY FRIENDS." Trigon doubled over at this point.

"THEY ARE MY FAMILY." The power began to crackled between Raven and her fellows now, she was gaining power from their belief in her.

Oh, she is powerful, thought The Devil. It absentmindedly made notes in Raven's file. You could never have to much infomation.

"AND YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!" A great bird of heavenly flame emerged from Raven and engulfed Trigon in it's light. At this point even the lords and ladies of Hell had to avert their gaze, that much holy light couldn't be good for you. Like staring at a microwave.

The Devil didn't look away, It watched as the purifying light disintegrated Trigon. It watched as the wave stretched itself across the desiccated city, the burning lands, oceans of lava, the entire planet and undid it all.

That was what They needed Raven for. It was the one thing The Devil couldn't do, fix broken things. Demon magic could only destroy, that's why you couldn't cook with it. But Raven was only half demon.

Ah, free will was a fine thing. Your welcome human race, Thought The Devil.

Cheers erupted from everyone. The Devil, who was an appreciator for well done jobs sat back, smiling.

Demons began calling in that the backed up soul queues had vanished now that life had restarted on Earth more or less exactly where it had left off. And It didn't have to lift a finger to do anything, all in all, a good day.

The Devil looked down at Raven's folder. It taped it's chin for a moment then decided on what to do next.

It looked up at the rumpus that was developing in It's throne room.

"Ehem." said The Devil.

The room was silent once more.

"Well, I believe we all have jobs that need doing."

The room was quickly emptied, the crowd of demons filed out eager to get back to oiling the complex machinery that made Hell the efficient enterprise that it was. Anyway, they could always pretend to look busy and then restart the party somewhere else. The point was not to make the boss upset.

The Devil decided to spend the next hour reading Raven's file, making idel notes here and there as It went along.

"Pazuzu." said the Devil finally.

A small imp materialized out of thin air. It's description would be the demon version of a personal assistant, pretty much the same, only more horns.

"M'lord?" said the imp in a nasally voice.

"I believe some thanks are in order for our miss Roth."

"Indeed sir?"

"Yes. She has done a great service for us this day. For a proper operation to run, we must sometimes weed out those who, shall we say, cause disorder."

"Sir?"

"Hm?"

"I thought we were in the disorder buisness?"

"That is why you are not sitting where I am." The Devil looked over the five folders again. Superheros: protecting order, maintaining the _status quo_. Yes, what an idea indeed.

"I believe we should show a token of our gratitude to miss Roth, no doubt we will not be the only ones to do so. I believe in this situation, a gift is in order." The Devil stroked It's chin.

Pazuzu paused, " Do you mean, gift like the horribly ironic sort that backfires on the recipient, sir?"

"No, Pazuzu, the other kind, I think."

"Very well sir. In what shape do you wish this gift?"

The Devil thought this question over. It was so rare that you gave gifts for outstanding service in Hell, to a demon, a job well done was it's own reward. Besides, what did you get a teenaged girl these days?

* * *

Raven blew her party horn and adjusted her cone hat as she walked down the hall. Funny how a small breakfast party can turn into an all day bash when someone busts out the party favors.

The most hopeful titan. Who would have thunk it. And here she thought she was just trying to do the best and put a little good in to the world before it all went up in flames.

Now- Raven paused in the hallway, her paper horn hung from her lips. For once in her life, she had no idea what to do next. It was always, 'What i'm going to do _until_...' now there was no _until_, well apart from the painfully obvious, but it was a lot longer than she had had initially.

It finally dawned on Raven. And when it did, she almost stumbled backwards. She had a future now.

Future, she tested the word out. _Future_.

It felt weird, almost unreal, like at any second her father would jump out from around the corner and say 'Gotcha!'

She had a future now. And Raven was… she was…. absolutely terrified, she was entirely at a loss for words and actions. She was utterly petrified by this new unknown territory called life, and she was fairly certain she was about to have a panic attack.

And as luck would have it, good or bad depending on your point of view, that was when Cyborg and Starfire decided to walk down the hall.

Whatever merry conversation they were having died away, when they spotted Raven in the fetal position in the corner of the hallway. considering recent events, they bolted to see what was what.

Starfire arrived first. Raven was curled up into a ball. She wasn't crying, or grimacing, or anything really. She was just looking forward, her expression frozen in a blank state.

"Friend Raven, what has happened?"

"merp" said Raven.

"Did you slip and wound yourself?"

"merp"

"Are you feeling some backlash of demonic force?"

"merp"

"Are you" Starfire looked around and leaned in, "having the menstrual issues?" she whispered.

"merp"

Starfire stood back up. This was not good. Perhaps the battle with Trigon had taken a worse toll on Raven then the team had thought.

"Raven? It's Cyborg, are you alright? Would you like to go to your room?" Cyborg tried to talk in the calmest voice he could. He was the sort that hoped for the best and expected the worst, unfortunately that could leave you realy split down the middle at times, and this was one of those.

After what seemed like an eternity, Raven shot up causing both of her friends to stumble backwards.

"Collage!" said Raven, really more of a declaration though.

"What about 'Call-edge'?" Starfire, always a good listener was the first to respond.

"I should go there!" Raven had a fire in her eyes that neither Cyborg of Starfire had ever seen before. They exchanged a look.

"Collage?" said Cyborg "Good place, nice place for, uh, learning" Cyborg was still trying to search for reason in this situation.

"Yes, Collage!" Raven began striding down the hallway, her two friends decided to follow incase she exploded… again.

"I'm just about that age, maybe a few years south, but…" Raven turned and began walking back the way she came, causing Starfire and Cyborg to stumble again.

"Wait wait wait, no" she continued "Wait, Yes! Cooking school!"

Cyborg and Starfire exchanged a look.

"Cooking school?" said Cyborg.

"I've always been fascinated by cooking! Or, or or or, languages!" Raven about faced and began striding down the hall again, her two friends trying to keep in step.

"You could never know too many languages. I could- I could- start my own blog!"

"Meep!" said Starfire. Raven had grabbed her around the shoulders and was waving her hand vaguely at the air.

"I'd call it, er, Confessions... of a Teenaged... Superhero? I'll work on the title." she let Starfire go.

Raven began walking down the hall and muttering to herself about plans. Cyborg, whose senses finally caught up with the rest of what was happening caught her on the shoulder.

"Wait, wait, timeout, what's going on? Are you alright?" he said.

Raven stopped and about faced. "I'm more terrified than I've ever been in my life!" she almost shouted at him.

The three young people stood quiet in the hallway for quite some time.

"Why?" Starfire was the first to break the silence.

Raven, who up until this point was walking like she had too much coffee, now looked like she was having the mother of all caffeine crashes.

She slumped down the wall, though she didn't return to the fetal position, so that was an improvement.

"Raven, what's wrong? You were so happy an hour ago, now you seem like you're about to snap. What's on your mind?" Cyborg joined her sitting on the floor so did Starfire.

Raven let out a humorless laugh. "I beat up my dad today." she said.

"Yeah I know." said Cyborg "I was there, and it was pretty cool."

Raven pulled her legs in. "I…" Raven searched her thoughts to find the right things to say. "I don't know what to do anymore."

It wasn't a sad statement, nor was it happy. It was neutral. A statement of fact.

"I do not understand, Raven." Starfire pulled in closer to her friend and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"All my life, I've been waiting for the end to come. It's basically been one long plan until now, and it's been simple enough. Mostly I've tried to fill my time with reading. I burned through a loooot of books under the pressure that i didn't have a long life t read them. It was more than just the end of the world to me, I know it sounds kind of funny, but, I sort of used it as a push to do and learn things, to fill my life with as much good as I possibly could before it was all over. I didn't really have that long to plan for."

Raven continued to stare at the wall "Now, heh, now I'm looking at a whole life ahead of me, and I know I should be happy, but I just... I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now."

Cyborg stared out into the distance "I know how you feel."

Raven and Starfire both looked at Cyborg.

"When I," he too had to search for the right words. "When my accident happened, at the exact moment it was happening, I mean, I thought to myself 'Ok. This is it Stone. You're going to die now.'"

He stood up, "And then I wake up and I'm like this. Suddenly I had a whole new life I didn't plan for, not the one where I go to college on a football scholarship, one where I'm a robotman who's gotta deal. And at first I didn't know what to do either, but I kept an open mind and found myself here." He waved at the walls and ceiling of the tower.

Starfire pated Raven on the shoulder.

"No one is expecting you to know what the future is going to hold. Not anymore at least." Star smiled. "Furthermore, it is the ok to be unsure of what is next in life, you have_ quite a lot_ of time to learn from your mistakes, now."

Raven sniffled and wiped her eyes. Funny, she didn't even realize she was crying. Usually things melt when that happened. "Thanks" she said.

Star beamed "Would you like the hug?" She held out her arms.

Raven turned to see Cy on her otherside in a mirrored position. Damn, they had cornered her.

Raven sighed, "Alrig-oof!" the didn't even let her finish. Raven puffed some hair out of her face and side looked at her friends.

Future, she tested the word again. It still made her shudder. What did ex-interdimentional hell portals do with their lives anyway.

At any rate, she still had books she had never read, and despite being in a state, she was serious about the languages thing. She'd start there, at least.

"Were you serious about cooking school, Raven?" Cyborg said after the hug had finished.

"Are you kidding? I'd flunk out in a week."

* * *

Raven's door swished open as she tried to massaged some life back into her body. Damn but those two gave strong hugs.

She bent her back until she heard a satisfying crack and then twisted left and right.

Raven froze. She could smell something. She sniffed, smelled like sulfur an-

"Ehem"

Raven turned to see a small bird like imp on her bed. It was holding a gift basket twice it's size in one hand and saluting with the other.

"Package for Miss Raven Roth." it said in a nasally voice.

Raven looked around and then back at the small demon.

"What?" she said.

"Package for miss Raven Roth, I said."

"What!?"

"Look," said the imp, noticeably irritated now "I haven't got all day. Now are you Raven Roth or not?"

Raven narrowed her eyes but nodded anyway.

"Good," said the demon. It turned and placed the basket gingerly on Raven's bed. When it let go, Raven could hear the whine of the mattress springs as it made an indent into the bed.

"Now," the imp continued "If you could just sign he- no don't look at me like that, I'm not here for_ that _kind of signature. Office just needs to know if you received the package."

Raven cautiously walked over to the imp and took the pen to sign, making sure to scan the forum for words like 'damnation' or 'your immortal soul'. She had also taken the time to get a better look at the imp. It was wearing shorts and a baseball cap that had InferEx on it.

In all honesty, this whole situation should have been throwing up a series of red flags for Raven. For one, there was a demon in her room. Two, THERE WAS A DEMON IN HER ROOM, a room that had powerful warding charms surrounding it. Then again when had those charms ever actually been tested against real demons. and Three, all of this seemed perfectly fine to Raven, which bothered her to no end, but when you're confronted by strangeness on a daily bases, you learn to cope. Still, better safe then sorry.

"You, uhm, wouldn't happen to be affiliated with Trigon the Terrible would you?" Raven asked as she handed back the form.

The imp snorted, it was not a pleasant noise. "What? Trigon the Terrible at Everything?"

Raven coched an eyebrow at this.

"Nah." said the imp, "I ain't affiliated with him, though he ain't affiliated with much of anybody anymore. By the way, good on ya kickin his big red ass to the curb. We were all pullin for ya."

Raven paused, "What do you mean by 'we' and 'all' and 'were pulling for you'?"

"All o'Hell, o'course. We hated that guy down in the pit. Always causin trouble and messin with the order a things. Good riddance." The demon spit.

Raven was so taken aback by what the imp had said, she didn't even notice, nor did she notice 3 seconds later when the spit slithered away.

"Anyways, got more deliveries to get to, you take care of yourself miss. Have a relatively good day." And then just like that the imp was gone. Just gone, no pop or wink or any sound or light effect, just one moment it was there and the next it wasn't.

Raven was left alone in her room. She sat on her bed. After a while she looked at the gift basket. There was a card on it. It was black with shining red lettering.

She picked it up like it would go off at any second.

She read the card.

_From all of us here in The Pit, Thank You for your outstanding service, and going above and beyond the call of duty._

_p.s. If you are ever in need of anything, don't hesitate to ask. My door is always open._

_-L Morningstar. _

_Hell and Associated Dimensions Soul Exchange™ LTD _

Raven stared into the middle distance for a long while. Then she inspected the basket. To her continued surprise, there was actually some pretty good stuff in it.

* * *

_Footnotes_

1*Most demons have virtually no imagination, and actually no concept of pain. luckily mankind has invented all kinds of fascinating torture methods for them. Sometimes, it even makes the demons shudder.

2*Also note the lack of screams and wet/tearing noises.

3*And in this case that didn't just mean _keep his job_

4*Well he could, but what good would that do

5*And It is spelt with a capital letter

6*There's simply not enough sarcasm in the universe

7*Demons can't get drunk off of alcohol, they need stronger stuff.


End file.
